Boston- The foodservice industry is no stranger to the wrath of El Krafto. However, one particular institution has come under intense fire as of late.
"This place blows," El Krafto was heard muttering to himself by an El Krafto! correspondent in a local Bruegger's. "Look at the way they spread the freakin' cream cheese. Am I only allowed to enjoy one half of this bagel with cream cheese? Why don't they take some of the cheese they stuffed in the freakin' hole and put it on the other half of the bagel? You don't eat the hole! Who trains these people?"
A testament to El Krafto's unique vision, none of the other customers were willing to take his side on this matter, or even to come to Bruegger's defense. As often happens in the presence of revolutionary ideas, they chose to pretend they heard nothing.
"What a sucky breakfast," El Krafto said to no one in particular as he got up from his table, spilling coffee on his hand. "Oh, like I didn't expect that to happen," he said as he headed down the street, in search of more satisfying sustenance. Let the record show that we here at El Krafto! hope he finds it.
"I was really drawn in by the 'Fresh Floral Scent' this promised, though I could not for the life of me determine what type of flower it was. The blue color was the strongest of all the pucks I tried, which is what I really look for. That and the fact that it is safe for use around pets. I was however left in the dark as to what types of stains it fights. I like to know what my bowl is vulnerable to."
"No 'floral' scent here, but it still keeps the toilet from stinking, and protects from hard water, limescale and mineral stains. I don't know what these are but i'm glad I'm protected. Promises that bowl water will not be harmful to children or pets, but suggests that pets should not drink regularly from toilet. For children it must be o.k. Actually uses the term 'puck' on the label, which is a big selling point, as is its slogan 'When clean really counts.' The blue was not as deep as my ideal puck would be, but so far this is my favorite.
Stop & Shop Solid Automatic Toilet Bowl Cleaner
The first puck to suggest that both children and pets refrain from drinking from the toilet. Kudos to you, Stop & Shop. By far the cheapest, but sadly not the best blue. Will do in a pinch, and claims to last up to six weeks. This remains to be tested.
East Longmeadow, MA-In the course of rooting through his old belongings in his childhood bedroom,
El Krafto unearthed a poem believed to have been written during a library study hall in seventh grade. The untitled poem can be looked at as a sort of cautionary tale, warning of the dangers of associating with a loathsome beast described as "Flo."
"Flo was one of the librarians in my junior high school," a suddenly wistful El Krafto told El Krafto!. "She was fairly strict, and always tried to catch us ripping pages out of
BMX Action. I don't know if I had recently been busted at the time I wrote this, but I seem to have been upset with her for some reason. Though, we all thought she was reptilian
in nature, and this alone to a seventh grader is enough to put pen to paper and lambaste her through verse."
The text of the poem :
When in school wherever you go,
Beware of the creature known as Flo
She feeds on lizards an on froggies
Even students when its (sic) foggy
In day she dwells in the library
Her night abode is rather scary
Deep in a slimy swamp she lurks
Eating turtles (she never burps)
Her loving husband known as Gollum
Never comes when you call 'em (sic)
Under a moldy rock she'll hide
By the human eye she's never spied
By the side of the road she'll lurch
Staying clear of the blessed church
If you walk down a dark dirt road
She'll be upon you like a toad
So next time there's a full moon
Beware of this evil goon
Hide inside so you'll know
That you're safe from the evil Flo.
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